One side of a telephone conversation:

Slow down I can hardly hear you.
My reception is bad because the train is in a tunnel.
Did you say there's a wire on your toes?
You shot crease on your pain? How did that cause your toe to get caught on a tire?
Stop yelling! I can hardly understand a word. There's grapes on the mire?
What? Crepes esquire? You're not making any sense.
I don't think we know a choir singer. What does that have to do with your tires?
You need a choir singer because there's a mime in the stitching? Please stop crying.
Aspire? Aspire to what?
The itching is inspired?
You're going to call the Squires Apartments?
Wait, we're coming out of the tunnel, don't hang up yet.
The mole's spouse is enmired?
Wait I can hear you clearly now, you say the whole house is on f... oh crap.

(Not a true story)

Tonight's weigh in is a stunning high of 143.5 lbs. My goal was to gain 20 lbs of muscle mass by September 17, and I've met it quite adequately.

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